"You're Just Fine...You Can Move Around When You Want To"

The "but you don't look sick" is NOT the most hateful/hurtful phrase you can say to someone with an invisible, chronic illness. It is "You could if you wanted to". The sad thing is, when the house is empty, no one but me, I can't do it if I wanted to. I drink very little because my balance is off and I am scared I will fall while alone. Or, it hurts too damn bad to get up to go to the bathroom so I don't drink a lot. I don't run laps when no one is looking at me! I sit in bed, propped up by pillows, hurting. Typically the least painful thing to do is lay on my side and watch something on my laptop. It is no way to live. Before my former boss ruptured my discs at least I *could* walk, and work...I was in pain because of lupus but I managed. Now, it is just me....unless my husband is off work. Apparently he can't relax if I keep interrupting him to talk about mindless things he isn't interested in. How much do you think I can find to talk about laying in bed day after day? Doesn't he think I get lonely? That I am talking because I need human companionship? I am NOT on vacation!!!! Mindless things..that knife cut very deep. Whenever I am slighted or sad, I think of my Dad being gone, and then it is compounded sadness...sadness x 100. I have never felt more alone in my life. It is one thing to fight the good fight while happy, it is another to fight it while miserable. It is like, what is the point? I do find comfort and refuge in my Bible. It is balm to my distressed soul. And my animals are my company. I suppose I will just talk to them all the time. They would care more about the subject matter, and be more attentive.

Let me try to end this on a positive note and find a happy picture or quote....

Found one! Abbie-Poo is my *CONSTANT* companion :) and, she HATES tears. She thinks it is her life's mission to lick EVERY one....and she doesn't have the freshest of breath....so, you stop crying :) I am lucky to have her.. Lucky to have a nice, soft bed to lay in while in pain. So what if I am isolated. I am warm, have the internet, and a full belly. I am quite lucky.